Recently, my mother posed a question. She wanted me to talk it over with my husband and get back to her with our response.
The question: What one principle would you like your family to reflect in your home?
Immediately the quality of integrity sprung to mind. After all, it’s what we live by. Be your word, mean what you say, do what you say, and when you mess up, take accountability. I figured it would be a no brainer when I asked my husband his thoughts.
We were lying side by side in bed, late at night. Ok, it was more like 9pm. But when you’re in your mid plus thirties with a senior about to leave for college, a 7-year-old who often acts like a 13-year-old in disguise and a 5-year-old who is mostly sweet yet insists on pulling his pants down when angry (only at home), it might as well be 12am.
“How about joy?” He said.
Not at all the response I expected. Anything but, really. I sat up and looked down at him. “Joy? Are you serious? Integrity, honesty, kindness I expected, but joy? That doesn’t seem high on what we have prioritized.”
“That’s why it should be joy.” He responded. “Because it’s a principle we aren’t necessarily living by but should be.”
I let his words sink in and realized how very right he was. We live integrity, every breath of every damn day. We own a painting business together and it’s a major part of our motto, the biggest thing about us. But joy? Don’t get me wrong, we’re not some sort of all-season grinches. We smile often enough, and we do manage to get it right, even if we’re not tossing around happy confetti every second of every day.
But often, with the hustle and bustle of daily living, the getting the kids off to school, fed, bathed, listened to, and trying to figure out how to run a successful company, joy rests on the sidelines, showing up in unexpected moments. And that’s ok. But to make it a conscious part of our family values? This was a new thought.
I rubbed a finger over the frown lines that had formed between my eyes. The results of years of concentration, intense conversations, pissed off mom moments and seemingly never-ending worries. The grooves felt deep beneath my fingertips. Laugh lines I could stomach, but scowl lines were another thing entirely. If something didn’t give soon, I’d be forced into Botox and potentially end up with some terrible side effect like trouble swallowing for several months, or increased sweating in areas other than the underarms (I kid you not, do a google search…they don’t tell you where the increased sweating happens, but I’m betting it’s the vagina).
Now, several days later, here I am, pondering joy. It’s easy to come by when everything is hunky-dory. But what about when things get hard? How do you find joy in the hard times, when nothing seems to be going right?
I think back to the times in my life when I have experienced truly joyful moments. The kind that made my heart feel like it grew three times its size. Each one had one thing in common. Full presence in the moment. I don’t know if it’s possible to experience joy without being fully present.
So this I think, is my first step in my experiment. To be present. To take the time to tap into the current moment, whenever I think of it. I know it’s a bit early for New Years resolutions, but this is mine. To spend the rest of 2019 and all of 2020 learning the ways of Joy, regardless of external circumstances.
Joy by Choice.
What about you?